Blanket Days

Today I woke up with the day spread before me like a warm blanket. Nora had told me last night that she wanted to go swimming at the Y and I had told her that we could do that but upon waking the humidity had finally broke and the air was cool and crisp. No way could we be inside on a day like today and Nora agreed too. I went to my spinning class early, up at 6 and gone and then as I was walking out sweating and smiling there were my three children running towards me as if from a dream screaming "Mommy!" It was like I was a star in my own tv series and these were my greatest fans.
And then there was Gary smiling with books in hand taking our eager children to the library where the librarians all know our children by first name and have suggestions waiting for them and smiles to share with them.
When I got home to my silent house I sat a bit and played some piano and it was peaceful and quiet for some time and then just like that it was full of laughing children, fighting children, apologizing children and reading silently children sprawled out all over my furniture and my body.
We ate a beautiful meal Gary had cooked and Gary and I lingered at the table talking about NYC next week and the future.
We decided last minute to hike at Goose Cove with bikes and skate boards and scooters and feet and Sparky and we talked about different plants and the clouds and the water supply that we were walking around and we played pooh sticks. Jonah won at pooh sticks and the girls clapped and Sadie swore she saw a snake and we talked about what kind of snake it could have been and we talked about looking it up when we got home but we didn't.
I found out today that Nora has no problem counting to 100 when we played 52 pick up with two decks of cards and that she can add pretty well too. I learned that during a game of war. I didn't have to give Sadie a test today about vocabulary words or spelling because I listened to her use words such as indignantly and surpassing appropriately in a sentence and Jonah spent three hours playing piano this morning much to Gary and my amazement.
Sadie wants to read Harry Potter 7 again because she feels like reading it at age 9 will be different than at age 8 and I think she is right so we will.
Sadie asked if all the other kids are starting school next week and I told her they were. She asked if we would start school then too and I told her that all through the summer we never stop because we learn all the time.
We will work on some math stuff and Nora loves the Explode the Code thing. We will do our ecology class and we will take a CSI course at the community college. Swim team starts and Folk Chorale starts and life moves us around much more.Mostly it is like today though, days spread out before us with choices to make about how to spend them.
Right now if all Sadie did all day long was build with legos and play the piano and listen to me read Harry Potter 7 she would be happy and so she can and because she knows this, she knows I have faith in her.
Molly is off to bigger and better things lately. She just cut her hair short and it is adorable. She talks about important things now and she is excited about her future. She spends a lot more time away from home now and I trust that she is making good decisions and that she will come to me when she needs my help or my love.
Right now Jonah and Nora have been soaking in a bath for the last hour and they are relatively quiet. I think they are tired. Jonah continuously asked us to wait for Nora on our walk today and I realize that under all that testosterone and energy simply enough he is just this guy who adores all of us.
I will read to them and we will fight over who lays where and one of us will storm out of the room and return with more covers. We will laugh at the Bearenstein Bears and Jonah will fall asleep and when he starts to snore we will look at him and want to cry at how sweet and chubby he is and one of us may talk about eating his hands and another one of us will surely bring up something that he broke today.

Th e Wishing Well

For a lifetime now it seems we have been running around like chickens with our heads cut off, always trying to find something, catch up and be at ease. When this recession hit our town and our country Gary and I did not really feel it because, well, we had always struggled financially, so it was no different now. We have always bought second hand, cut coupons and gone without. One of the things that I have always loved best about our jobs is this possibility in both of them. For example, right now I am on call and I will be until midnight. Possibly I could make some extra money tonight. Then again, I could possibly only make a tiny little bit but being the ever optimistic person that I am I always can see it for what it may turn out to be like and usually it does work that I go out and we make some money. In Gary's job and world it has always been this way. He could drum up some extra lessons any old time and we could get those new curtians or pay the credit card bill or whatever. The difference between his possibilities and mine is the slight, ever so small possibility that he could hit some huge possibility. A possibility that could change our whole world and turn us upside down.
A few years ago Gary made a friend, a fan friend. A lot of Gary's friends are "fan friends". They come to a show, see how great Gary is and then because Gary is who he is, when they come up to introduce themselves they are immediate friends. Gary is an amazingly warm and tender person and people are instinctlively warm back to him.
This new friend had all sorts of connections and over the course of the last few years we have rode a roller coaster of possibilities. In a couple of days Gary will travel to NYC for the second time this year to play his guitar with some other musicians in what looks like could be a very interesting turn of events.
So how do I feel?
Part of me is elated. It would be nice to feel freed up from my job for awhile. I would love the chance to travel with the kids and show them our world. I would love to feel more free.
Part of me is terrified. When my dad started to make a lot of money, that was the end of my dad, spiritually and emotionally.
When I went to Target today to buy some gifts for Gary who will turn 42 in a few days it was easy. The kids picked him out little things and I got him some needed stuff like a new bag and a bike helmet. We spent more time hemming and hawing over the cards. The kids wanted to get him just the right one. Jonah picked him out the card with the charging elephants and Nora chose a really sweet one with flowers and Sadie picked him out a card that played "Somewhere over the Rainbow" when you open it. She said it would make him cry and we all agreed it would.
At times like this I wonder if I wished too hard for this break for Gary and what it will mean to us all. He is already being asked to sacrifice some of our vacation time to travel to NYC and to practice.
It makes me feel possessive of him, wanting his overall attention.
Although I am a person that does not ever regret things I would like to be able to look in a crystal ball once in awhile, maybe know what I am getting myself in to before I go around throwing coins in to the well.