The Sky Inside

What is Inside

The sky inside

is colored in a field of grays

there is a place inside where rain

does not feed the grass

and overgrown forests

are a place to be lost

There is a river buried

deep

that flows over bridges and breaks down

the dam

taking in all that is rainfall

all that is the deepest and most subtle

called despair

you are buried there

The ground is ash and that stuff

that remains when things have been burned

to the ground

and in the woods

I am lost

and can’t be found.

2/20/14

Asking for Help

I don’t want to talk about it

I don’t want to call you (so stop asking me to call you)

call me

a solid standing piece of oak tree

someone who promised me

something

I can’t remember what it was

what was it that you said?

some idiot secret

some bucket filled with smiling teeth

and fresh breath.

dial the number from memory and stand there waiting

for you

to pick up.

I don’t want to speak about it

Things in my mind that I dont even know exist and you keep telling me

they exist.

When I see you

I am ripped in a hundred small square pieces

I am swiped into a xerox machine

copied

and quiet

because I dont want to tell you

how it looks

when its typed backwards and the words

are smeared

from too much ink

and jammed up paper.

I have thrown myself away

(so stop looking for me across a phone line)

I am crumpled up

and at the bottom of the dumpster

and its dark here

and you can’t tell me

anything I don’t already know.

That’s what I am trying to tell you

so stop calling me

you aren’t even calling me

anyway.

The Sea
To the left of me is the sea
and to the right are the gulls
those seagulls that had been here last year
waiting for us to return to them.
The breeze against the tide
is like waking up for the first time
so warm and not hot at all
an embrace;

I missed you come closer
You belong here.

The horizon is before me
and you are gone behind me
all that time waiting on me
The gulls look startled
They look away with shame
some would say disdain
What are you?
To come to this place alone?
I am a person and I am not even a person

The sea knows this
The sea can see
me
I am ashamed and I try to hide
Into the dunes
where the signs say STAY OUT
I crouch down like a child
like a waiting predator
or not.
I can’t decide.
I think you will find me
and the sounds of wings surround me
mocking me
singing and beating their questions at me
The sky is on fire with it.
2/21/14