BE HERE NOW

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Sky Inside

What is Inside


The sky inside
is colored in a field of grays
there is a place inside where rain
does not feed the grass
and overgrown forests
are a place to be lost


There is a river buried
deep
that flows over bridges and breaks down
the dam
taking in all that is rainfall
all that is the deepest and most subtle
called despair
you are buried there


The ground is ash and that stuff
that remains when things have been burned
to the ground
and in the woods
I am lost
and can’t be found.


2/20/14


Asking for Help

I don’t want to talk about it
I don’t want to call you (so stop asking me to call you)
call me
a solid standing piece of oak tree
someone who promised me
something
I can’t remember what it was
what was it that you said?
some idiot secret
some bucket filled with smiling teeth
and fresh breath.

dial the number from memory and stand there waiting
for you
to pick up.
I don’t want to speak about it
Things in my mind that I dont even know exist and you keep telling me
they exist.

When I see you
I am ripped in a hundred small square pieces
I am swiped into a xerox machine
copied
and quiet
because I dont want to tell you
how it looks
when its typed backwards and the words
are smeared
from too much ink
and jammed up paper.

I have thrown myself away
(so stop looking for me across a phone line)
I am crumpled up
and at the bottom of the dumpster
and its dark here
and you can’t tell me
anything I don’t already know.

That’s what I am trying to tell you
so stop calling me
you aren’t even calling me
anyway.
The Sea
To the left of me is the sea
and to the right are the gulls
those seagulls that had been here last year
waiting for us to return to them.
The breeze against the tide
is like waking up for the first time
so warm and not hot at all
an embrace;

I missed you come closer
You belong here.

The horizon is before me
and you are gone behind me
all that time waiting on me
The gulls look startled
They look away with shame
some would say disdain
What are you?
To come to this place alone?
I am a person and I am not even a person

The sea knows this
The sea can see
me
I am ashamed and I try to hide
Into the dunes
where the signs say STAY OUT
I crouch down like a child
like a waiting predator
or not.
I can’t decide.
I think you will find me
and the sounds of wings surround me
mocking me
singing and beating their questions at me
The sky is on fire with it.
2/21/14