Sick

Nora is sick. She started to complain about feeling tired on Monday late afternoon after spending the night with her friend, Sophie. Nora is my child who always knows how to take care of her body. When she is tired, she sleeps. When she is hungry, she eats. When she has had enough TV, she turns off the TV.
Monday she told Gary she was tired at 5pm and was in her PJs, in her bed sleeping within ten minutes. At 10 she woke up, complaining of feeling hot and wanting to sleep in our bed. I took her temp and it was up to 103.
I am so grateful that Gary and I welcome our children in bed with us. Our bed is such a comfort to not only Gary and I at the end of the day, but also to Nora when she is ill, Jonah when he wakes up in the middle of the night and Sadie when she has nightmares.
And sometimes people just end up there, just because.
That is ok with Gary and I.
I remember when I had Molly as a young child and wasn't as cued in to our own family needs and used to worry so much that she would be sleeping with us forever. Now I am free to let these worries go and recognize that this is very temporary and that my children are learning their safe places and how to go out and explore the world with the safety of unconditional regard at the end of the day.
Having a sick child or being sick myself is not one of my favorite experiences but Nora has made this experience so interesting for me. She lets people take care of her so beautifully and knows what to ask for when her body needs it. She spent the entire day in bed yesterday with a fever of up to 104 and when I asked her what she needed, her responses were always something like, "sleep," "a cuddle" or "a Popsicle." I downloaded two books for her to listen to from the library. She listened to "The Linden Tree" which she loved. I wasn't able to listen to the whole thing with her because Gary was playing in Vermont and Jonah and Sadie required a lot of me too but when I asked her about it at the end of the day she told me it was about a family who had lost their mother. She told me that a lot of times I picked out books that were older or about older girls and when I asked her if she would rather listen to something like Junie B Jones, she emphatically responded No!
Now this is interesting to me because at the same time Sadie loves to watch Curious George and read very low level books alongside her Harry Potters and Little Women. My children oscillate in age range and this is nice.
Nora told me that she liked this story and it was nice to listen to.
She told me that one thing that bothered her was the they never told the reader how the mother died. She guessed aloud that maybe it was just old age and then thought about this for a moment and said that that was probably not the reason, "right, mom?"
I told her probably not and then somehow we got on to the discussion of Grampa and I asked her if she ever thought about her Grampa who died 9 months ago and she told me she did......... "all the time."
Today Nora woke up with a fever down to 102 and wanting to watch some tv. I am not feeling well today and so we made plans to shut ourselves up in this room and watch tv and read books and maybe if we feel up to it after everyone else has left for a bit we can paint her dollhouse.
But only if we are up to it.
Nora will tell me if she is up to it and I know she will know.

sisters and little Mozart

Eleanor

Yesterday the kids and Gary and I took a hike at High Rock in Needham. Gary used to spend a lot of time here as a teenager drinking or hanging out with friends, skipping school. He told us some of his best times were times when he skipped school. Sadie and Jonah and Gary wanted to climb the big rock but Nora and I didn't and so we walked ahead along the path. I like to be alone with Nora because she is so content with where she is at any given moment. Sometimes we don't talk or we talk about things that really make no difference in the end, just talking, passing the time. She is a fairy living among trolls in our world. Her innocence pours out of her at all times. She can't help it. She is the only child who I know I could absolutely never send to school unless it was Waldorf where she could be among other fairies much like her. She picked up a stick that was bigger than her and proceeded to crush ice below her and tell me about the little people that live below the ice throughout the winter and even though it was really cold and sometimes there magic didn't work so well they could still survive and they thrived on laughter and parties.
Fairy parties, we had one the other day when Nora turned 7. All of her girlfriends came dressed as fairies or just beautiful beings. Quinny came too and he was dressed as a caped knight defending dear Nora. He came bearing the gift of a hand made candle and Nora accepted this with thrill and love.
For her birthday she wanted a hand made cake from Gramma and a song from her father and her father learned all the words to Eleanor by the Turtles included at the end of this post. Nora sang with her Dad and her Dad cried and Nora smiled. She has won him over again.
Nora and I went to her violin lesson today. Usually Daddy brings her as he does with all of the musically activities in our house but today I was blessed with the gift of alone time with Nora. She came flying in to this teacher's home immediately on the floor with the cat, kicking her shoes off and laughing boldly at the food the teacher was cooking in the kitchen. It hit me like a wave how different she is from other 7 year olds tonight at violin, how naive and precious she is, how innocent and gentle. She told me and her teacher all about the cats and violins and her dad and the fairies and as we walked out the door and I told her how beautiful she sounded she told me of course she did.
Of course she does.
I love the idea that she has not yet figured out the idea that failure is possible, the accomplishment can only be had by other people, that of course she can.
I love that I never have to drag her anywhere and make her do things.
Nora's favorite word this week is crest fallen.
I told her that was a beautiful word and asked her where she heard it and she told me she didn't know, somewhere and that in fact it was not a beautiful word but a tragic and sad word.

Eleanor
The Turtles
You got a thing about you

I just can't live without you

I really want you, Elenore, near me

Your looks intoxicate me

Even though your folks hate me

There's no one like you, Elenore, really

Chorus:


Elenore, gee I think you're swell

And you really do me well

You're my pride and joy, et cetera

Elenore, can I take the time

To ask you to speak your mind

Tell me that you love me better



I really think you're groovy
Let's go out to a movie
What do you say, now, Elenore, can we?
They'll turn the lights way down low
Maybe we won't watch the show
I think I love you, Elenore, love me

Stratus Clouds Stratus Clouds

Stratus clouds are when the moisture rises.
They fly like a soft bird in the sky.
They look like summer's smoke when a fire is lighting.
They feel like a bed of soft fluff.
The beauty of it all makes me want to
jump for joy.
Stratus clouds Stratus clouds
How you make me want to fly right up to you.

Sadie Backstrom age 9

RAIN FALLING DOWN SOFTLY
I was walking in the woods one day
I saw a big rain cloud
It started to get puffier
then it started to rain.

I brought my back pack
and it had my stuff in it when it rains
I ran home
and it got sunny again.

I thought I could go
back to the woods
I went back to the woods
on a rainy at first
and a sunny after.

Eleanor Grace Backstrom age 7

reflection

Reflection

She is quiet

as a cowering child

hiccupping waves

creeping in to her eyes.

A new dawn and the sky opens up for her

but she is blind.

She cannot see.

She is beauty

like a Montana mountain

strong and steady

cold on the top

burning inside.

And she can’t see it.

She is walking in the snow

and she cannot remember

were it is she left her boots

crest fallen seagull swoons along side

of her

speaking to her

remembering July

during brighter skies

when her eyes

could see.

Kelli Backstrom 12/11/09

Right now I am sitting half on my cat and half on the chair. It sounds kind of cruel but I think the cat likes it. The kids are downstairs and they are watching some mundane Disney channel crap that my mother in law told them was on the TV. I will be down for the Charlie Brown special. I love the Charlie Brown special. Last night we finally had to break down and do some shopping at the mall and every year it gets weirder. We wander around the aisles and we think that maybe we have bought everything in the store at least once but the pieces have gone missing and the game was forgotten and then I start to believe that it does not matter what I am buying for this holiday.
Right now Jonah has marched in to the bedroom and turned on the bathroom light and demonstrated his new trick of unzipping his fly and peeing just like his dad and I have to admit it is the cutest thing ever. How amazing and convenient the male body is.
And now he is laying next to me humming a song he heard on the radio today and I am wondering if there is anything more I should be doing to foster his musical interest and then he is up again. He had grabbed his train flashlight and he is telling me that he thinks we should do something, that maybe we should brush our teeth.
I have my phone near me because I am on call and there has not been a Tuesday night in months where I have not worked but here I sit, not working.
My house is full of lights and Christmas ornaments and Gary has left nothing undone and I am wandering around trying to find things to do but he is Mr. Christmas and I am Mrs. Scrooge.
Next month will be our 10 year wedding anniversary. We will take a long weekend and go away alone and sleep and cuddle and read.
Now Jonah is singing Holly Jolly Christmas in his beautiful soprano voice and he has taken all of my earrings out of my jewelry box and spread them over my bed and he is talking to my toothbrush and I am wondering about what an interesting predictable, very unpredictable world I live in.