Songs and Sweaters

For Christmas I knitted Gary this sweater. It took me four months to make it and I put all the love and positive healing energy I could muster in to it. I brought it with me to friend's houses and to church and to children's events and playdates. I pulled it out in the grocery store, in line at the bank and during some of his shows. He never knew.
As I knitted this for him I thought about him. I thought about the time we met and the child that I was. I thought about the time that he thought to kiss me and the time I thought to throw him out of our apartment. I don't remember why.
I thought about the night he asked me to marry him and how we welcomed all of these children in to our lives, together. I thought about crazy angry fighting and quiet times and laughter. I thought about growing up and how I did this with him. It was a joy to make him this sweater and I loved the look on his face when he put it on.
Rewind to two days before Christmas and I am in the Kohl's parking lot picking up some last minute things, a few pajamas for the kids and a beautiful nightgown for my mother and I am sitting in the car listening to "Baby I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. I love that song. Gary loves McCartney. He says he wrote better songs than Lennon and I don't know if I would go that far but I do love his ability to write an amazing love song. I am also a huge sucker for the love story of Linda and Paul McCartney.
Anyhow, there I am taking in the last few notes of that lovely song and thinking about Gary and what a wonderful song it is and the female DJ comes on to tell all her listeners matter of factly that if she ever met a man who wrote a beautiful love song like that for her she would drop everything and marry him, no questions asked.
Gary has written songs like that for me.
In fact most of the songs from the last 15 years of his life have been about me, or us or our children.
On Christmas eve he told me to sit and listen to another song that he had written for me and I remembered what that woman had said and I took pause. I dropped everything and married him again.
Life is really that simple sometimes.