Saturday morning

Saturday mornings as I get older seem to get earlier and earlier. What used to be a definitive clear cut separation of day and night is now very murky. Does 3 AM count as the night or the day anymore. Lately it's the day and I am up. I remember this every spring and then I forget again in later winter. My insomnia is the worst in the spring and then every year it gets worse and just when I think that I can't believe I can live on 5 hours of sleep I find myself living on 4. It's my age, people tell me, usually women who are a little bit older than me. I'm cold all the time and when I wake up it is like a train is flying through my head and it's already had a head start before I am even conscious, already heading towards my 50's retirement, empty nest, disease, poverty, death, world hunger, wars, the Hunger Games.
I watched the Hunger Games twice this week. I won't bore you with the details of why but suffice to say I was stuck somewhere I really didn't want to be with all of the sudden, A LOT of time on my hands. No cell phone, no distractions, no kids.
Time and lack of distraction are not my friends.
The kids will be here later and I haven't seen them all week. And they just keep getting older. The dog isn't even up with me at this hour. Occasionally she peeks her head up accusingly, like I have interrupted her secret place, her quiet slumber. Jeremiah is up there probably tossing and turning, buying time before he will come down, knowing I like the stillness to read in the morning. He can't sleep either. He's like me. Our brains move faster than our mouths and so sometimes he chatters on and on and I can't open my mouth for fear of the rambling that may fall right out of there.
I have to shop and I've forgotten how to feed myself. I'm not sure when that happened again either. I am sure that mid life is not going to be good to me, so restless anyhow, like an engine, permanently running, no tune up necessary.
I wonder about the sun and when the sun will decide to make it's appearance over the skyline of our new house.
Jeremiah is awake and hopping through the house.
I wonder if our neighbors can see and what do they think of this all happening in the dark. The dog is up and resigned to her insomniac roommates, family, parents.
Music and books and thoughts about the future and I remember that this is the best time to be awake. The time before everyone else.
The time when it's just the two of us, ok Pebbles, three.
And then the sun shines.