maybe they should go to school

That's what I think of lately. Maybe if they went to school they wouldn't have to watch their Grampy become ill, lose his lung capacity, become weaker, die. When Jonah was born two and a half years ago, all of my close homeschooling friends told me not to worry about my children not learning enough, they were learning how to change diapers and about creation and about the miracle that was in our house growing and thriving in that process called life. When Grampa John retired last summer, finally too ill to deliver the mail, struggling with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, I thought to myself, don't worry about learning and growing now Kelli, we are learning about grief, about illness.
I don't want to learn about these things. I told Gary to buy me classes for Christmas and then it dawned on me that of course I want my kids to go to school, I want to go to school too. I want to do anything to get out of this house and this reminder that death is here and illness can happen and sadness is alive and well.
Homeschooling is easy when life is fun, kids are playing and asking those thought provoking questions that make my heart leap and think of all the possibilities my unschooled free children have.
Homeschooling is hard when my children are crying and the house is quiet with a pervasive stillness that comes over any home dealing with a potential loss.
And then I remember that children are so amazing at perception, that they are such a gift right now. They say the sweetest things and they want to be here through all of this. They certainly know their share about the human body now and Sadie and Nora have created all of these memories of times spent with Grampa Johnny. My children are learning about compassion, about love and about grief. I cannot shelter them from this reality and I cannot shelter myself.
It would be easier to take a class, get lost in a vacation away. I'm still going to have to come back. This is all part of life and isn't that what I am inevitably trying to teach my children in the first place.