Learning

I went for a long walk with a wonderful homeschooling friend of mine who has three teenagers and is, in my book, a wonderful mother. She is kind of like a mentor to me because her children are all older than mine and she has walked the homeschooling path for all those years so her wisdom is extremely valuable to me. We went for a walk in the woods in Gloucester and I had Jonah in carriage and Sadie on bike. We were there because of my concern over Sadie who would be technically going in to 3rd grade this year. I have been so worried that she is not learning enough and that we are not doing enough for her. I have wondered for some time now whether we will not be able to go the "unschooling" way and that I will need to buy a curriculum this year. So I have spent the summer looking at different curriculums including Calvert and Sonlight and Abeka. Last night amidst a glass of wine I almost broke down and bought the Calvert one but I figured I would pay a visit to my friend first.
So we walked and as I was asking her about advantages and disadvantages and what 3rd graders need to know and what we should do all year long Sadie and Jonah played poosticks in the storm drains, noticing all of the bugs and snakes in the drains and talking about different types of wildlife that could reside in such a place. Sadie ran off at one point to discover a toad in the woods and brought it promptly to show Jonah. Sadie and Jonah played by the pond and Sadie found a mysterious thing in the water that turned out to be bait and hooked it to a stick and rigged one up for Jonah and they played fishing for several minutes all the while I am hemming and hawing about how little they are learning and what I am going to do with our days this year. Sadie told my friend all about her summer camp in the woods and pointed out all the birch trees and the different types of butterflies we saw. She talked about the American Eel she had discovered at camp and went hunting for snakes. She threw rocks in the water and saved a few that she would like to take home and identify.
When we got home, Sadie wanted to go to my Buddhist meditation group. She pleaded and begged to come with me. Saturday I had taken her to an adult yoga class because she promised to do yoga and be still and respectful and she was! She loves yoga. She asked me if she meditates everyday for weeks can I bring her then?
At the end of my day I am still a little worried about next year. What if we get caught up again in my own self doubt. Another good friend of mine in my Dharma group who also has teens that have always been homeschooled offered to bring me the Oak Meadow third grade curriculum. Maybe we will try that.
Today I learned a lot.

I went to see the homeopath that Jonah had such luck with a few weeks ago. I went again as a skeptic, reluctant to believe in any of this hocus pocus stuff, while still benefiting from Jonah's happier disposition thanks to Medorrhinum. I went because of some of my own issues, including incessant worrying, insomnia and a sense that I always have to be perfect all the time. He was so nice to me. Again, it was like it was worth it to just go and spend time with him. I feel like he truly knows me. He gave me a remedy called argentum nitricum and with no exageration that evening I felt better, calmer, happier. Weird.
So life has been moving on for the last two weeks. I feel this overriding sense of calm that goes really deep inside myself and those around me are benefiting wildly.
Two days ago I broke out in hives all over my sternum and chest, up and around my throat. I felt horrible, tired and hot. I took everything I could think of just so I could manage working through the itchiness and heat. I took Benedryl and Clariton and got all of these different rubs. It helped a little bit. I had no idea where they all came from. I thought and thought about what I had eaten and where I had been but nothing new. I was confused. Finally Gary told me that I should call the homeopath and so I did. He told me that he thought this was normal and that it was my body's way of releasing the emotional stuff inside of myself as I was letting go physically of all of that worry and anxiety and control.
So weird.
He also told me it would be a better idea if I did not try and suppress all of this physical activity with drugs, that I had to actually go through it all and feel it. Ugh, that sucks! So here I sit, itchy and tired and so amazed by the power of our physical selves. I think a lot lately about what I do in my work and how backwards western teachings are about so many mind body things. I feel changed and new.

Sadie at age 8

Sadie turned eight on the fourth of July. She is at an in between age. She has been really cranky and angsty lately and so I gave her some extra space with a new bedroom. Sadie goes in to her bedroom on the early side and writes in her diary now and she does things like read books and play with her dolls, the same dolls that had been strewn through the house for the last several years that I lovingly put together and created a space for in her room. She has Kit and Kaya and Elizabeth and they are with her in to the evenings now. She is at an age where she waits for her older sister to come home as if royalty is arriving and when she sees the look of disappointment and dissatisfaction on her sister's face she is quick to put the same look on her face, so quick to be a teenager, still can be found in my bed at night time telling me to sing her a lullaby. Molly thinks I am coddling her. That makes me sad. Sadie is at an age where she begged and pleaded for earrings and we talked about the pros and cons, the pain and responsibility and then she when she told me she was ready, firmly, strongly, we traveled to the mall to get the earrings and she backed out in the final hour whining and complaining that it was going to be too painful and when they had wrapped up the earrings that we had to buy anyways and I was asking Nora if she would like to get her ears pierced while we were there she turned back and had the lady pierce them anyways, despite her fear. Sadie is at an age when all the ten and up girls that hang out in our group of homeschoolers are around she is so cool and all that and whatever and then just like that when she has only little Hayley from next door who is 4 years old she can be found out there playing dirt with her and reading Clifford books again. Sadie got an MP3 player from my dad today in the mail, late for her birthday. She got it and I thought, "Damn, now I have to go in to that world." My father, the king of not knowing what to buy has introduced an MP3 player in to my 8 year olds world. She has been mad about it all night, not mad like angry, mad like insanely happy. She waited at the door to tell Molly who of course shrugged her off and couldn't care less and bragged to Nora all night. She made me hook it up which I am currently doing and I spent hours downloading songs for my 8 year old to listen to. I had fun doing this which of course was surprising to me. I downloaded tons of songs by her father which of course was a pleasure to do but then I downloaded some of my favorites too. I downloaded some Family Folk Chorale songs and some Cat Stevens songs and Grateful Dead and the Beatles. While I was doing this Sadie was watching Thomas the Tank Engine with her 5 year old sister laughing and talking about all of the trials and tribulations of that train Thomas.

This weekend we are having a birthday party for Sadie and Jonah for friends. They both have such wonderful friends and everyone is excited to spend time together. Sadie has decided that she would like to have her party at Stage Fort Park and that should be a nice, no clean up kind of party.
Last night when I laid Jonah down is his new bedroom that he shares with Nora, Nora was climbing on my head and I said to her "Jeez Louise Nora, get off my head!" and Jonah thought that was the funniest thing he had ever heard. For 30 minutes as I was laying with him in the dark he would say "Jeez Louise Mom..hahahahah." Then he started laughing so hard he gave himself the hiccups and said, "I laughing so hard I have the hippups."
This morning on the ride to drive Molly to work he took every opportunity to use this expression, "Jeez Louise Dad, drive the car, Jeez Louise Dad say goodbye to Molly."
This morning I woke up late because I worked the overnight last night and Gary and Jonah were sitting side by side downstairs changing their strings.
me "what are you doing there Jonah?"
jonah "Jeez Louise Mom just changing my strings with Dad."

I'm spending the weekend with my two birthday children. Sadie had a wonderful 4th of July birthday with everything from her favorite breakfast to a bon fire and ice cream with just Gary and I to end it all. The 5th was Jonah's birthday. He turned 3. My baby is now out of diapers and drinking from the big boy cups and wanting a real bed instead of his crib. Yesterday we went to Lake Sunopy and Gary and his band played a private party for some old friends of ours and Jonah got to sit in with Daddy and play the guitar and sing with him, that was sweet and surreal. Today I am cleaning my house and getting ready to have my inlaws up for some more birthday celebrating and I am thinking about how life moves on. I filled a big bag with baby toys that no one in my house is playing with anymore to give to the shelter only to be replaced by more toys that my children will receive today. I am coming off of a week of wonder. I wondered about homeschooling a lot this month, I thought about our future and who we are as a family and as individuals. I'm realizing how heavily influenced by people I am for the good and the bad. I am realizing how important it is to decide things that are the best things for my family and my family alone. This is hard to do because at the same time I am realizing how social I am and how much I need community around me. When we went to the parades throughout our town this week I felt somehow separate and alone with the town activities and that felt like a loss. Home schoolers as a group tend to be more independent, more on their own. This is hard for me. I like to be around people, a lot. This doesn't mean that I have decided to school or that I have decided anything. These are just more days in my life, more opportunities to learn about myself and my world. Jonah is naked, running around the house with his lawnmower singing Family Folk Chorale songs. He knows all the words by heart.