Eulogy

While I was helping Lil and Gary write Back’s obituary I was struck by how much focus he put on his family. Some people feel compelled to accomplish great things and acquire lots of stuff but Back lived his life simply and really his greatest accomplishments were his long loving marriage to his wife and his relationship with his son, grandchildren and extended family. I like to think that this has always been the way that it has been for Back but maybe not. I think about my own situation and how when I first encountered Gary’s loving family I thought I have got to be a part of this and I think maybe it was that way for him too. Anyhow, either way he made it his livelihood to work hard and be generous with his family with both giving of gifts and giving of himself. I realized that raising Gary was his greatest joy and that living to see his grandchildren born was like renewal and playful youth all over again.
In looking at the pictures of Back and Lil in their younger days at Buzzards Bay, it makes sense to me why they are always telling Gary and I to go out and have fun, to appreciate what we have and to enjoy the simple things. They really did all of that and more. It was a joy to look through those photos with my children and I am so glad that they are there. I had an idea that my children would write a wonderful thoughtful letter about Grampa B and I could read it here but children being children need their own space and time to deal with this loss. So I can imagine that they would thank him for his time, and his patience and his endless games of kick the ball in his living room. They would look back fondly on his barbecue hot dogs and corn and his willingness to take them to Perry’s even if it was kind of cold. Sadie would thank him for teaching her cribbage and letting her get away with all sorts of mischief on his watch. Nora would thank him for coloring with her and feeding her watermelon on the beach and reading to her. Jonah would thank him for laughing with him, for letting him live the day that he took a baseball bat to his vase of flowers and for teaching me that boys will be boys and he’ll grow out of it. My daughter Molly loved Grampa B and taught him all the ways of being a grandpa. She will miss him tremendously as will they all.
Gary asked me to read a letter he wrote to his father the day after he died:

Dear Dad,
How could I ever really be ready to say goodbye to you. I was just looking at some pictures of me and you when I was a baby and you were welcoming me into the world. Now I have had the honor of seeing you off to a better place and the sad honor of being there as you passed.
We had a lot of great times, some big fights, some great laughs and some moments of pulling together when mom went in to the hospital. It’s a good thing she got out cause you would have lived on hot dogs and sardines every night. No offense but Mom’s a better cook.
I wanted to thank you for so many things when I came to visit you in the hospital but all I could get out between my blubbery tears was I love you Daddy.
So here it goes: Thank you for carrying me home from the hospital when I was born, thanks for teaching me to ride a bike, for my first sip of Schlitz beer, listening to me try to figure out the Star Spangled Banner on the organ and putting up with loud band practices in the basement. Most importantly thank you for teaching me how to be a good husband and a good father to all of your grandchildren. You were like a dad to my wife Kelli and my kids could never get enough of you. We will miss you on every holiday especially our favorite, Christmas. Who will I call to ask if I set the tree up right, who will I race with to get the lights up first in the yard? Who will I call to see if we are really going to get 20 inches of snow? Who will I call when I miss you on your birthday?
Don’t worry I will take good care of mom. I’ll kill all the squirrels in your yard as long as you promise that when I leave this world, you will come to carry me home from the hospital again. I love you so much, Gary