Questions

Sadie rode in the backseat
staring out the window
thinking.
We had a fun day, played with friends, ate lots of food
laughed a lot.
It was dark outside
late again.
Nora says
"I wonder why it gets dark.......
the moon comes up
the sun goes down
why does that happen?"
Molly listens to music
tuned out in the back.
Jonah sleeps.

Sadie is thinking about all this
the fun of the day
mixed in with the dark of the night.
Another night where she will be haunted with worries.
Sadie tells me her worries are like little monsters
and I believe her.
She says she understands now that eventually we all die.
She's seven and she understands that eventually we all die.
I had hoped that maybe I could keep up with the act
at least until 10.
We all live forever
Santa is real
parents never make mistakes
and are always kind
always patient.

Nora tells Sadie
remember when our kitty died.

Sadie asks me what will happen when someone dies.
She is talking about someone but I can't figure it out,
is it her sick Grampy or her old Grampy or is it me
or is it her?
I tell her remember when we had Jonah and he was a baby and everything stood still and we all just held onto each other and watched the miracle of life and birth and sleep deprivation and growth?
I say it will be kind of like that except different.
She asks if she will ever stop crying and I tell her she will.

I tell her the rest of the family will hold each other up.
I tell her I love her.
I wish I could keep her young,
younger than she is
but she keeps growing

and so do I.