A Little Blue Humor author unknown

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country,

and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't

aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,

Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will

be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of

New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We

get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You

get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You

get Ole' Miss. We get 85 % of America's venture capital and

entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to

make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 % lower than the Christian

Coalition's , we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single

moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and

we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need

people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently

willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you

don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish

you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing

to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 % of the

country's fresh water, more than 90 % of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 % of

the nation's fresh fruit, 95 % of America's quality wines, 90 % of all

cheese, 90 % of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all

living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus

Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will

have OA to cope with 88 % of all obese Americans (and their projected health care

costs), 92 % of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 % of the tornadoes, 90 % of the

hurricanes, 99 % of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 % of all

televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University

of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 % of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually

swallowed by a whale, 62 % believe life is sacred unless we're discussing

the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 % say that evolution is only a

theory, 53 % that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 % of you crazy bastards

believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed

they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States