Some days are better than others

As the old adage goes and today was one of those days. It was one of those days when I woke up at 6 to meditate and become zen with the universe and my children and my home. I sat for 1/2 hour with a still mind and open heart, praying for people who I don't like and meditating on compassion for all and you know, all that good stuff.
1/2 hour and yet still at 825 when Molly came down to announce that we were "so going to be late!!" I lost all ability at anything remotely resembling zen.
Ugh, it's going to be one of those days.
Lately I have been paying particular attention to my moods. Like why is it that for the most part I would say 70% of the time I am really a cool, calm, collected parental figure. Is it the time in the month, is it the full moon, is it bill time? What is it?
Maybe it's just a bad day. They happen. They happen to my children and in turn happen to me and then it topples like a falling avalanche all around me, the thoughts, the doubts, should I be homeschooling these people, are there too many people, will I get through this day?
I call Gary. That always makes me feel better. I apologize. I come here and sit for a bit. I pray.
These things help me.
Today Sadie drove me crazy, like all day long she was at my heels reminding me of something I am not doing right, asking me for my undivided attention like every single second. I don't have every single second, and that makes me feel bad.
She's a pretty intense kid, that one. She is also the one most like me. Nora looked at me in the kitchen tyring to put away groceries and get Jonah a drink and organize their toys and I don't know maybe 18 other things and she was so matter of fact about it. "Hey, how can I help?" She's five, no strings attached, that Nora. She bounces back from things like nothing. Man, I wish I was like that. Nora was really literally wondering like how she could help me do stuff so that we could then do stuff together like the puzzle she had brought in the room.
I would like to say that I dropped everything and looked at my darling child and said, "Oh, Nora, these things can wait, let's build that puzzle together." and then in that fantasy Jonah quietly plays with his blocks next to us while Sadie composes some amazing piece on the piano.
Reality- I took Nora up on it and had her clear the table. Jonah got in to the new eggs and broke three, Sadie stewed at the table because I was not attentive to her and Molly waltzed through, dumped all her books, shoes and jacket off in the hallway for someone else (me) to pick up later.
Yesterday Molly came down and cleaned the entire downstairs for me, just because she felt like it. Sadie read a book for a good part of the day and the little ones were just easier.
I don't know why.
Until tomorrow.