Divorce and other ramblings .................

We found out this week that two really good friends of ours will be splitting up, divorce is inevitable. Gary and I talked and talked about this reality, realizing that in our small wedding four of our closest married couple friends have divorced in that short nine year span. Our friend LJ not only divorced his wife but then went on to kill himself shortly after.
Things like this make me so confused about life and all sorts of things. I begin to wonder does this happen to everyone and am I just living in some sort of illusion that will inevitably be shattered when I realize that my own life was not what I had thought to begin with. I am still stuck to Gary like glue. I still feel the same way I did when I was a little kid, 21 years old, when I see him or hear his voice or watch him play the guitar. My whole world is completely and utterly wrapped up in him and his being. I can't imagine walking away.
And yet people do.
For whatever reason, people get up and walk away from the whole thing.
I think of this couple in particular a lot lately. I remember their wedding like it was yesterday. It was the same fall that the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, the same season Gary and I decided to try for a son and I am almost sure that we conceived that son at their wedding. Another life, some more happiness for us, but not for them.
That makes me sad.
The world moves on here at our house. The kids are in a really good space and it feels like almost blissful here lately. Sadie is so interested in all sorts of things these days and we talk and talk for hours about so many neat things like friendship and God and death and family. She is so interested in learning new things and so excited about some of the classes I have enrolled her in. On Saturdays we have this really busy day where Jonah has a dance class at 9 and then the girls are both taking gymnastics at 103o and then we eat lunch together and Sadie swims for the swim team. I worried that this would be too much but my kids really love this type of day and I realize that I compare myself to other people too much. My family is different and all their own and we are definitely people who like to be out and about. Jonah talked and talked about his dance class and the girls were just thrilled with all the things that they learned today. Sadie loves the swim team and is so incredibly athletically talented. It is such a joy to watch her striving for something and then just full out laughing when she gets it.
Fall is here and with it I have been thinking a lot about my career and my future. I interviewed this week for a position at Hospice of the North Shore and that was really exciting for me to dream about. John is in my thoughts a lot these days as I think about the possibility of working with the terminally ill for a living. Fortunately John is doing very well these days. There are still those days though where I can hear him in the other house coughing and I wonder what is really going on in his body. It's such a blessing to have him here with us for all this time. He and my mother will be going camping again next week and I am just filled with hope for John and wonder and this process that we go through, life death, happiness grief, marriage divorce, endings and beginnings and then endings again.......