Starting Again

Jonah is in the bath in the other room and I can hear him from here. He is in the tiny bath with his two sisters playing with a bath full of toys while I type away. They are playing these games with these toys that I consider crap and if I had the choice would throw away in the blink of an eye. They however make worlds out of these toys and create scenarios all their own with the legless Barbie and the various mismatched legos and blocks and the caps from various Dora the Explorer bubble bath bottles that we just had to buy for a ridiculous price because it had a gigantic Dora head on it. Jonah is singing a song to himself in the bath about going to school. I am not sure why he is singing this song or where he has gotten this idea but there he is in the bath singing away, "I'm on my way to school, time to go to school, here I am at school." Of course Nora and Sadie are oblivious about this, in their own worlds dreaming big dreams.
Jonah works things out through his play in such a cool way. He is terrified of the dryer and washing machine and so in his play he features these machines prominently all the time. Today at the park he played washing machine and insisted that I be the dryer with all the appropriate sounds. He asks if there will be a watching machine at pretty much any location that we go to.
I am listening to this band "The Ryan Montbleau Band which I have been listening to a lot lately. Ryan is a guy that used to come out and see Gary all the time at places like the Paradise and Harpers Ferry. He used to come out with these little CDs that he had made himself on his computer or something and ask us all to take one. He loved to come out and see Gary play and he was just the cutest kid. So he grew up a lot and started this great band and they are amazing and really popular now which is so cool for him. Gary sat in with him at a festival this weekend and it was really sweet.
I feel like right now in my life at my age or at this point I am going through some sort of metamorphosis and in order to fully get wherever it is that I am headed I come to conflict a lot with the people I love. I have always been kind of a placid character always averting conflict and needing to please everyone and I am walking away from that but it's unsettling and frankly, it's isolating. I'm not sure where it is taking me and I am not sure how I got here.

Here among this wooden life and the stacks of unending paper,
People are starting to scare me and my insides are feeling safer
Than the outside world and the people I no longer comprehend.
I've been thinking about starting over
I've been thinking about starting again.
Starting again.

It's another adventure for the massive understanding,
Only time to think about the towns that we are passing.
We could read the signs and feel the blood in our bones,
And anywhere our hearts are beating we could call our home,
And we could start again.
We could start again.

We could throw it all away and laugh into the light of a new dawn.
Laughing at anything, we could grow new eyes and sing new songs.
And we don't ever have to keep it on the inside,
Once we get in the car and drive.
Starting again.