Last night Gary played and so it was just me and the kids. As a musician's wife I have spent the better part of 13 years ebbing and flowing with this musical thing. Sometimes I have really resented the evenings apart and other times I have really looked forward to having some time to myself.
Last night was definitely one of the latter moments. I laid Jonah down at 6:30 because he was toast and veering on the possibility of losing his precious life in his pursuit to be 2 and autonomous which on most days we can all get around as a family here but not yesterday.
One of the things that has been most difficult for me to deal with as a homeschooling mom is this reality that we have a two year old boy in our estrogen filled home. My daughters are not able to create a whole heck of a lot without the threat of it getting broken or torn apart. This is our reality and this is a huge thorn at my side.
Last night Molly went out to see a movie with a friend and while I was cleaning the downstairs the girls spent two hours quietly building these great works of architecture around my house with the various toys that we have that they can do things like this with. I built a fire and we sat by it and read " A Wrinkle in Time" in blankets. Sadie drew some drawings and Nora did things like ask me what precocious means. It was such a nice time.
After the girls went to bed I was able to sit by the fire and have a long conversation with a good friend of mine which is a rare occasion lately (aside from Ashley who stalks me everyday, to my delight).
I woke up this morning before everyone one else and had the whole quiet house all to myself. Gary and Nora lay next to each other quiet as mice cuddling, one big dark man and one tiny fair girl, so different and yet so similar. Gary has the perfect technique for cuddling with Noni, who is a tiny little peanut. He wraps her first in the blankets and then he pulls her to him to spoon. I've never been able to master this technique but they have their own special language all their own.
Sadie was sprawled in bed and Jonah was sleeping soundly. I was able to make my coffee and read my book. The other night we watched the Jane Austin book club and so being the moderate that I am (insert irony here) I went to the library and got the collection of all of Jane Austin's works and started Sense and Sensibility yesterday. I kind of wish I had someone to read it with. Molly has expressed some interest and in church I fantasized about starting a book group. Maybe I will.
Today I prayed really hard for John. Every week I go to church and think that if I am vigilant enough or good enough I will some how have the powers inside of me to make his lungs healthy.
We bought a car today and when we test rode it on Friday all the kids came outside to kick the tires and look it over. Gary and I have no clue about cars so we went riding in it and were really just making guess work about the value of it. John was always the go to person about things like this. As we were getting out of the car after our test run John came out of the house to look at the car. I felt this sudden wave of sadness and relief. It is the same kind of feeling that I get when I go to visit my in laws and they watch the kids for an hour while Gary and I go for a walk. There was a time recently when Gary and I used to use them for child care for dates. We can no longer do this and it makes me sad, to watch them get old. It is nice to see John out lifting the hood and my father in law sitting with Sadie talking about sports.
Today we are all together. We are going to our Godson' third birthday party. We will be with our best friends and all of us will have someone to play with.